Why Cutting Toxic People Out of Your Life Is Sometimes Necessary

Life is filled with relationships; many can be a source of joy, support, and growth. However, not all relationships are healthy. Despite repeated efforts to be kind, accommodating, and understanding, some people can drain your energy, damage your self-esteem, and hinder your personal growth. These toxic people make it difficult to maintain your emotional well-being. Sometimes, the only way to protect your mental and emotional health is to cut them out of your life.

Toxicity in relationships manifests in various ways. Toxic people will exhibit behaviors such as manipulation, chronic negativity, dishonesty, or a lack of empathy. They will repeatedly dismiss your boundaries, use guilt as a weapon, or make you feel inadequate. While everyone can have bad days, toxic individuals consistently create an unhealthy dynamic that leaves you feeling emotionally exhausted and undervalued.

Identifying toxic behavior is not always easy, especially when it involves someone close to you, such as a family member, friend, or coworker. You may excuse their actions, rationalize their behavior, or believe you can help them change. However, this rarely works and enduring toxic relationships will come at the expense of your well-being.

Maintaining a relationship with a toxic person can have serious and long-term consequences for your mental and emotional health. Relentless exposure to negativity, criticism, or manipulation leads to feelings of anxiety, depression, or low self-worth. Toxic relationships can also affect your physical health, as chronic stress damages your immune system, sleep quality, and overall energy levels.

Over time, toxic individuals can undermine your confidence and make you doubt your perceptions with their chronic lying. They may tell the same story more than once, each time with a different ending. When you call them out on it, they will lie and deny or shut down the one-sided conversation, which will leave you even more drained and powerless. The longer you remain in such a relationship, the harder it becomes to see the situation objectively and take steps to protect yourself.

Being friendly and compassionate are admirable traits but are not always sufficient to change toxic behavior. Toxic individuals often operate from a place of deep insecurity, unresolved trauma, or entitlement, and they may not be willing or able to acknowledge their harmful actions.

We have all heard the expression, “Kill them with kindness,” but that doesn’t work with toxic people. In fact, it will backfire because it may enable the person to continue their dangerous patterns without accountability. If you consistently forgive someone who violates your boundaries, they will see it as permission to repeat the behavior. Your kindness becomes a double-edged sword in such cases, leaving you vulnerable to further harm.

When to Let Go
It is a deeply personal and sometimes painful decision to recognize when it’s time to cut someone out of your life. It often comes after repeated attempts to address the issues and set boundaries have failed. Here are some signs it may be time to let go:

Your Efforts Are One-Sided: If you are the only one trying to improve the relationship, it may be a sign that the other person is unwilling to change.

Your Boundaries Are Ignored: When someone consistently dismisses or disrespects your boundaries, it shows a lack of respect for your feelings and needs.

The Relationship Is Draining: If you feel emotionally exhausted or anxious after interacting with someone, the relationship is doing more harm than good.

You’ve Tried Everything: If you have communicated your concerns, set boundaries, and sought solutions without success, it is time to accept that the relationship is irreparable.

Your Well-Being Is Suffering: When a relationship negatively impacts your mental, emotional, or physical health, prioritizing your well-being becomes essential.

Set Clear Boundaries: Before cutting ties, make a final effort to communicate your boundaries. This likely will be ignored or you’ll be labelled as the stupid one but it ensures you have done everything possible to salvage the relationship.

What to do once you have gone No Contact:

Seek Support: Untangling yourself from a toxic relationship is emotionally exhausting, especially if it is family, and you will experience anger at yourself at being manipulated like you were and even anger during moments of reflection. However, lean on supportive friends, family, or a therapist to help you navigate your way forward. You can also journal your feelings and just let it pour out and saying the hell with spelling, grammar, and syntax.

Focus on Self-Care: Prioritize activities that bring joy, relaxation, and fulfillment. Building a positive and nurturing environment for yourself will help you heal and move forward.

Accept the Grief: It’s natural to feel sadness, anger, or guilt after ending a relationship. Allow yourself to process these emotions without judgment.

Stay Firm: Toxic individuals may try to re-enter your life or manipulate you into reestablishing contact using drama, questions about whatever, or guilt. Block them. Staying firm in your decision is crucial.

The Benefits of Letting Go
While cutting toxic people out of your life can be painful, it ultimately creates space and time for healthier relationships and personal growth. No longer will you feel manipulated, constantly criticized, brutalized, and dehumanized by those you thought you could love and trust.

Letting go also empowers you to set stronger boundaries and prioritize your own needs. It reinforces the belief that you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, helping you rebuild your confidence and self-worth.

Some relationships are beyond repair despite your best efforts to be kind and understanding. Cutting toxic people out of your life is not an act of cruelty but an act of self-preservation. You create room for positivity, growth, and genuine connections by letting go of harmful relationships. Protecting your mental and emotional health is a priority; sometimes, the kindest thing you can do—for yourself and others—is to walk away forever.

The Psychological Crutch of Smoking: Exploring the Reasons and Risks

I’ve often wondered why people smoke cigarettes. For decades, it’s been known they are a sure way to damage your health and since 1971, at least in Canada, cigarette advertising has been banned on TV, radio, billboards, etc. Images on cigarette packs are graphic as to the damage caused by smoking. Images of damaged teeth, black lungs, fetal damage, and the direct statement that cigarette smoke causes cancer. Yet people continue to do it.

Is it a crutch, an outlet for frustration, or something else? I’ve never met a smoker who doesn’t regret the day he or she started and how it controls them. And think of the lost production time thanks to smoking. At places I’ve worked, people will come into the office and within 15 minutes are outside “for a smoke.” They do this 3-5 times per day for 10 minutes a day but do they make up for that time? In most cases, the answer is no. Then there is the staggering health care costs and the dangers of secondhand smoke. Smoking ultimately killed both my parents, and likely had a strong hand in the death of my oldest sibling 15 years ago.

Understanding Panhandling: A Critical Look at Spare Change Requests

“Got any spare change?” is a question I am asked numerous times per week as I stroll the downtown streets of the small city near where I live now. It’s a nice city with a decent downtown filled with restaurants, banks, a couple of performing arts theaters, coffee shops, second hand bookstores, mom and pop businesses, but, unfortunately, far too many panhandlers.

I have nothing against those who have fallen upon tough times and understand that it can happen to anyone – all it takes is a series of misfortunes in quick succession and you may be on the street or a homeless shelter. However, what I don’t understand is those who are on the street asking for “spare change.” Similar to my “extra cigarette” comment in a previous post, what is “spare change”? Is it money I don’t intend to spend, money earmarked for the panhandlers, money in the opposite pocket of where I usually carry it? I’m tired of the expression and, frankly, tired of being approached by people on the street who, it appears, refuse to help themselves and are digging a deeper hole by wasting (or should I say “wasted”) their day.

Smoking Culture: Insights from a Non-Smoker’s Perspective

I’ve never been a smoker – well, okay, I tried it a few times when I was 13 because it was an act of rebellion against my parents with my friends who were also going through the same stage with parents. In total, I’ve probably smoked two cigarettes in my whole life, spread across many months during that infamous year.

I don’t understand the habit and the subculture that goes with it. To begin with, let’s look at the habit itself: right on each pack is a strong warning about the damage you will do to yourself if you smoke. Not damage that may happen, damage that will happen as you continue with the habit. Yet, approximately 18 percent of the population continues this disgusting habit with most decrying the day they started.

Both my parents were heavy smokers, which ultimately led to their demise, and it contributed to the death of my oldest brother at age 56. My sister also smokes – heavily. It’s interesting that the three youngest kids – except for the occasional “Have to look cool” puff, never got the habit and, to this day, find it repulsive to be within shouting distance of a smoker. The smell lingers – even outdoors – as the stench from several smokers over a period of time accumulates and is absorbed by every solid object around it.

The culture? Smokers tend to stick together and think nothing of giving each other cigarettes, yet they won’t lend each other money. When handing out cigarettes, aren’t you handing out money in a different form? I also don’t understand when a smoker will approach strangers on the street and ask to borrow a cigarette. Borrowing something means you will pay it back – but how will a smoker pay back someone he may never see again? And will the one who lends the cigarette somehow track the person down and demand payment? A similar request is, “Got an extra cigarette?” Hmm, do the tobacco companies issue packs of cigarettes with an extra section for those you will give out (and never get back). Of course they don’t. In short, buy your own pack of cigarettes, as some have told the freeloaders directly. Which brings me to my final question and a topic for another day: What, exactly, is spare change? as in “Got any spare change?”

The Impact of Loud Restaurant Music: A Customer’s Perspective

Whatever happened to quiet in restaurants? I’m not talking about the high-class places with tablecloths and six forks on the table that have music gently playing in the background – I enjoy that experience. I’m talking about those where the owner may make your meal for take-out or eat in. What happens is you walk into the place, order your meal, and wait while they prepare it. So far, so good. Then, someone gets the stupid idea that you want background music. But it isn’t background music – the volume is cranked so loud that you can’t enjoy your meal in peace and quiet, nor can you carry on a conversation without raising your voice.

Who decided we want music playing while we eat at such a loud volume? Why not ask the patrons if they want music? And the next customer who walks in must then yell his or her order over the music and the through the barriers that several places still have installed from the COVID-19 era.

It’s a trend that started 20 years ago and shows no sign of stopping. It’s part of our noisy world where it’s presumed everyone likes it that way. Fact: many (including me) don’t and prefer to eat in silence. And don’t give me that ambience crap for a place where you order off a menu board behind the employees. I now speak up and have told several places over the years that I prefer the silence and they comply. I wish more places would.

Relocation to The Kawarthas: A Fresh Start Near Nature and Lakes

Sometimes you just know that a relocation is the right thing to do and that you did it at the right time. Although I have worked remotely since COVID-19 meant a job layoff for me, I had lived in the same city for 27 years and knew it was time to move on. I knew this when I could no longer tell people I liked the area. No, there is nothing wrong with the city or the region – although it’s infrastructure hasn’t kept up with its growth – it was a combination of things. The aforementioned growth and relentless construction, traffic issues, the feeling that it was yet another bedroom community of Toronto with out of control housing prices, the feeling I wanted to go off in a different direction, and a few things with people that are better left unpublished.

The rumblings of wanting to move began in 2018 but a good job at an established high tech company working with outstanding people kept me from making that leap of faith. However, I sensed it was time to do something about it back in the late winter of 2023, so I did what anyone would do: I stayed in various cities and towns to get a feel for the everyday pace and life of each one. I like Alberta and would likely love British Columbia but Ontario, although I wasn’t born here, is my Canadian home. I wanted to be near a large body, or bodies, of water, live in a less populated area, and far enough away from my city of 27 years that it felt like that fresh start I wanted and needed. I wanted to be nearer to nature than I was, with lots of trails nearby.

I toured both the Lake Huron and Lake Erie coastlines and while each town had its charms and beauty, most were missing the intangibles and negatively answered the question, “Can I see myself living here in five years?” It didn’t mean I had to be living there in five years, but could I.

East of Toronto, I considered small cities along Lake Ontario, as well as the The Kawarthas. Gradually, I narrowed down my choices according to my mental checklist and the winner was The Kawarthas area. I am near a small city with at least 15 lakes within a short drive – plus one in the city itself, I don’t have to deal with traffic jams at anytime, I can see myself living here in five years, and I am far enough away from my previous address that it is not only the physical, but mental fresh start I needed.