Years ago, drummer Charlie Watts was asked about life with the Rolling Stones.
His answer wasn’t about fame, money, sold-out stadiums, or celebrity. Instead, he described a problem that many people understand immediately. Because of his work, he had to leave home and spend long periods on the road or in a studio somewhere. The problem was that he liked being home.
Then, after being home for an extended period, he would become restless and want to get back out there again. He called it a vicious circle that had always been his life.
The older I get, the more I think that circle applies to far more than touring musicians. It applies to me. I’m not talking about the hiatus I took for two years or so due to burnout, a serious car accident and some other challenges. I’m talking about under normal, everyday circumstances.
When work becomes overwhelming, I dream about free time. I just want to “get it done and get out of there.” I tell myself that if I could just slow down, take a break, spend more time at home, or escape the daily things I have to do, life would feel better. Then something happens. The workload temporarily eases, and the schedule clears. I finally get the free time that I wanted. For an afternoon, it feels wonderful. Then I get restless and want to do something – like write. I miss the sense of purpose and momentum that work provided.
Suddenly, the thing I wanted so desperately is no longer enough.
The same pattern appears everywhere. People living in cities dream about escaping to the country. People living in the country sometimes wish they had easier access to the excitement and convenience of the city.
People with demanding careers fantasize about retirement. Many retirees eventually discover that endless leisure isn’t quite what they imagined.
People in relationships miss their independence, while single people miss companionship. People who travel constantly want to stay home. People who stay home too long want to travel. The circumstances change, but the pattern remains.
Human beings seem to need two things that often pull in opposite directions. We need stability and variety. Too much instability creates anxiety. Too much routine creates boredom. Too much responsibility feels exhausting, while too much time on our hands can feel aimless. We spend much of our lives moving back and forth between these competing desires.
The mistake many of us make is assuming that one side of the equation contains the answer. If I just had more free time, work, lived somewhere else, made more money, had fewer obligations, but more opportunities. The goalposts keep moving.
We finally arrive at the place we thought would make us happy, only to discover that we brought ourselves with us. The restlessness didn’t disappear; it found a new target.
This doesn’t mean goals are pointless, nor does it mean people shouldn’t try to improve their circumstances. After all, sometimes a new job or a move really is better. Sometimes, more money genuinely reduces stress.
But no external change seems capable of eliminating the tension entirely. The circle remains.
The healthiest approach is not to try to escape the circle but to recognize it. When work becomes overwhelming, it helps to remember that endless free time may not be the paradise we imagine. When boredom starts creeping in, it helps to remember how recently we were wishing for a slower pace.
Awareness doesn’t eliminate the problem. It simply prevents us from believing that happiness is waiting on the other side of one more change.
There is a reason people often look back on certain periods of life with surprising affection. The years themselves weren’t perfect. There were frustrations, pressures, disappointments, and uncertainties. What they remember is not the absence of problems but the balance they seemed to have – although nostalgia can mask how they really felt at that time.
Like Charlie Watts, we often discover that the very thing we are longing for today may be the thing we are trying to escape six months from now. That is not a character flaw – it is simply part of being human.
The trick is recognizing the circle when it appears and understanding that neither side contains all the answers.
johnberkovich.com 