Every bar or restaurant has its rhythm, cast of characters, and unwritten rules. You won’t find the rules posted on the wall or printed on the menu, but break one, and you’ll feel it in the sudden silence or the cold glance from a regular who is perched at their sacred spot.
Walk into a local watering hole for the first time, and you’ll either blend in like you belong or stick out like someone wearing a winter jacket on a hot summer day. That’s because regulars have spent months, sometimes years, mastering the subtle nuances of the place. And the first-timers? They’re just trying to figure out if they should order at the bar or wait for someone to seat them.
Let’s start with seating, a topic we discussed in detail in another blog entry. Regulars don’t just have a preferred seat; they have a spot. And it’s not just about location. It’s about history, comfort, and unspoken ownership. Newbies who unknowingly plop themselves down in “Jim’s seat” might notice a few side-eyes or hear a “Someone’s in your spot today, Jim” when Jim walks in. The tone is lighthearted, but it cuts to the chase. If they’re lucky, the rookie will be gently nudged to move along. If not, well, lesson learned for next time.
Then there is the ordering process. Regulars usually don’t even speak when they order because the bartender just slides them their usual with a nod. A first-timer, meanwhile, might ask for a drink that requires six ingredients, a blowtorch, and three kinds of bitters nobody has. Heads turn. Time seems to move in slow motion, and the regulars eye you like What the hell? Here’s a pro tip: keep it simple the first time out – a beer, a rum and Coke. Read the room, then order accordingly.
Another rule is not to over-introduce yourself. Regulars didn’t earn their stripes by shaking hands with every table and every person at the bar. They got there by showing up, shutting up, and tipping well. The first-timers who come in loud, overly familiar, or worse, try to take over a conversation that doesn’t involve them are remembered. And not in the way they’d hope. Again, read the room and don’t talk too much, but at the same time, be friendly. Answer the usual questions, such as who you are and where you are from, but refrain from telling your life story or lamenting about the trials you are going through, or being negative.
Regulars also have an internal clock and monitor. They know when to talk and when to leave people alone. A new person might try to strike up a chat during someone’s post-shift wind-down beer and not realize that silence is the sacred part of that ritual. Or they might ask a server personal questions three minutes into meeting them, thinking they’re being charming when they’re really just being intrusive and too personal far too soon.
But here’s the good news: bars aren’t closed clubs. First-timers can become regulars. In fact, the best regulars were once clueless too. Everyone starts somewhere. Most people behind the bar are happy to guide you if you’re respectful, pay attention, and act like a decent human. And nothing earns goodwill faster than a good tip, a genuine thank-you, and not acting like you own the place after one visit.
It’s the little things that earn you your place: remembering names, not snapping fingers or raising your voice for service, not overindulging, not lingering past close, and treating your server as a server, not a servant. It’s the quiet acknowledgment that the bar existed before you and will exist after you. Learn the flow and notice who the real regulars are.
Eventually, if you show up enough and act according to the unwritten rules, someone might say, “Are you coming in again tomorrow?” That’s when you know you’ve graduated. You’re not just a first-timer anymore. You’re part of the scene.
