Addressing the Complexities of Self-Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a complex behavior, often rooted in underlying psychological, emotional, or behavioral patterns. As one who has sometimes engaged in this behavior, sometimes without realizing it, I wanted to look at how it can be overcome or significantly reduced so it doesn’t destroy any progress achieved and create a downward spiral. 

Here are some reasons why people may sabotage their success:

1. Fear of Failure or Success

  • Fear of Failure: Some people would rather fail on their own terms than risk trying and failing publicly. By sabotaging themselves, they maintain a sense of control.
  • Fear of Success: Success can bring new pressures, responsibilities, or attention. If someone feels unprepared or undeserving, they may unconsciously sabotage their progress to avoid these challenges.

2. Impostor Syndrome

  • People who feel like frauds, even when successful, may undermine themselves to avoid being “exposed” as incompetent, even though their fears are unfounded. I dealt with this a few times while working in media with the major professional golf tours. No, I thought, it’s not really me writing those daily articles for the Associated Press, the Canadian Press, other wire services, and the various tour websites. It wasn’t really me doing that photography that showed up everywhere – credited or not, doing interviews with the game’s superstars and lesser lights and doing the daily tournament summaries and in-depth features. So, how did I overcome my imposter syndrome, which sometimes flared up? I accepted that not every article and write-up would knock it out of the park. While giving it my best each day, once an article was submitted to an editor for final review, I mentally moved on and never read what I wrote after it was out of my hands, lest I had second thoughts about it. 

3. Low Self-Worth

  • If someone doesn’t believe they deserve success, they may unconsciously engage in behaviors that confirm their negative self-view. It’s no secret that I grew up in an environment where encouragement and compliments were handed out like one-hundred-dollar bills. While I’ve overcome that and am happy overall, there is the occasional internal voice that escapes the darker recesses of my mind and tells me I’m not good enough to achieve my latest package of goals. 

4. Comfort Zone Dependence

  • Achieving success often requires stepping into the unknown. For some, staying in their comfort zone—even if it’s not ideal—feels safer than risking change.

5. Unresolved Trauma

  • Past experiences of failure, rejection, or betrayal can leave deep emotional scars. These unresolved issues may lead someone to sabotage opportunities to protect themselves from potential pain.

6. Fear of Losing Relationships

  • Success can alter dynamics in personal relationships. People might sabotage themselves to avoid outshining friends, family, or partners, fearing jealousy or estrangement.

7. Perfectionism

  • Perfectionists may set unrealistically high standards, and when they inevitably fall short, they give up or self-sabotage to avoid the perceived shame of imperfection.

8. Procrastination or Poor Habits

  • Sometimes, self-sabotage isn’t conscious but comes from ingrained habits like procrastination, avoidance, or neglecting responsibilities.

9. Subconscious Beliefs

  • Negative beliefs like “Success will make me selfish” or “Money is evil” can lead to behaviors that sabotage financial or career achievements.

10. Mental Health Challenges

  • Conditions like anxiety, depression, or ADHD can interfere with focus, motivation, and decision-making, inadvertently leading to self-sabotaging behaviors.

Breaking the Cycle

Recognizing self-sabotage is the first step to addressing it. Overcoming these tendencies often involves:

  • Therapy or counseling to unpack underlying fears or traumas.
  • Setting realistic, incremental goals to reduce overwhelm.
  • Building self-awareness through journaling or mindfulness practices.
  • Developing healthier habits and seeking support from trusted friends or mentors.

Self-sabotage isn’t deliberate for most people—it’s usually a defense mechanism against deeper fears or insecurities. It’s good to remember that we are all imperfect and works in progress, so the occasional screw-up, while annoying, makes you human, and as long as you get right back up without beating yourself up, you will continue to move forward.

Understanding Employer Ghosting in Job Applications

You have experienced it. I have experienced it. Everyone I know has experienced it to a greater or lesser degree. And that is ghosting when applying for a job – whether it is full-time, part-time, contract, retainer, or a one-time project. Ghosting by employers has unfortunately become a common experience for job seekers, and while frustrating as hell, and I certainly don’t condone it, after all, we are human beings; there are several reasons this might happen:

  1. High Volume of Applications: Many companies receive hundreds or even thousands of applications for a single position. Responding to each applicant can be time-consuming; some companies lack the resources or systems to handle this properly. Gone are the days of fully staffed HR departments. Job cuts have taken place everywhere, and what used to be done by two or three people is now done by one person. 
  2. Automation in Hiring: Applicant Tracking Systems (ATS) often screen resumes before a human sees them. Your application may be filtered out without any feedback if it doesn’t meet specific keywords or criteria. This one sticks in my craw. It’s suggested that an applicant doesn’t use AI to touch up either their resume or to write a cover letter, and yet, here are the ATS that automate the hiring process to an extent and make the process almost robotic. Yes, it’s unfair, and many candidates who would fit the role perfectly are cast by the wayside without even a chance of an interview, but unfortunately, that is how things are going and are unlikely to change. The AI/ATS genie is out of the bottle with recruiters, and it will be more complicated than ever to stand out to a potential employer. Adaptability is key for the job seeker, and networking is usually the best way to go when looking for a new role. 
  3. Phantom Jobs: According to several sources and surveys, fake job ads are growing like weeds in the online world, with anywhere from forty to seventy percent of companies doing it while saying it is morally acceptable and beneficial for business. One reason companies do this it to fool its employees into thinking they are hiring workers to reduce the workload of their current employees. “We’re hiring” is the mantra but then there is a delay, and then another one, and finally, many months later when it has left the collective consciousness of the overworked employees, all traces of the phantom hiring disappears. This reduces company morale and for the job seeker as well as the current employee, it erodes trust in the company. How incongruent that companies rightfully expect honesty from their employees, yet don’t practice it themselves when it comes to hiring. 
  4. Lack of Employer Etiquette: Some employers don’t prioritize candidate experience or have not established a formal process for notifying applicants who aren’t selected.
  5. Changing Priorities: Companies might pause or cancel hiring for a position due to budget cuts, internal restructuring, or a shift in priorities, leaving applicants in the dark.
  6. Poor Communication Practices: Some hiring managers or recruiters may not feel comfortable delivering rejection messages, especially if the decision is close or subjective. Well, suck it up and learn how to feel comfortable doing it. 
  7. Overwhelmed Recruiters: HR professionals often manage multiple roles and may struggle to close the loop with every applicant. HR teams are expected to do more with less like everywhere else. 
  8. Last-Minute Internal Decisions: A role might be filled internally or by a referral, leading to external candidates being deprioritized without notice.
  9. Short-Term Thinking: Some employers don’t consider the long-term reputational impact of ghosting, such as deterring future talent or harming their employer brand.

While ghosting reflects poorly on employers, it’s also worth noting that candidates should expect and demand professional, timely communication as part of a respectful hiring process. You’re not alone in feeling frustrated; many job seekers are increasingly calling out this practice. The sad fact is that the complaints—while vocal and on point—will likely fall on deaf ears to the ones who do this: the recruiters and corporations. 

The Importance of Reading In-Depth Articles in a World of Sound Bites

In the digital age, where information travels at the speed of a tweet and news is often consumed in bite-sized snippets, the art of reading in-depth articles is in danger of being lost. While social media posts and sound bites are convenient for quick updates, they lack the depth, nuance, and context necessary for truly understanding complex issues. Taking the time to read long-form content offers benefits that go beyond staying informed—it can transform how we think, engage, and even make decisions in our everyday lives.

The Problem with Sound Bites
Social media posts, headlines, and sound bites are designed for instant impact. They grab attention, elicit reactions, and fit neatly into the fast-paced rhythm of modern life. But this brevity often comes at the expense of accuracy and context.

A headline may oversimplify a nuanced issue, and a 280-character tweet can never encompass the complexity of a global event or a scientific discovery. Worse, social media algorithms often prioritize content that provokes strong emotions, leading to sensationalism and misinformation – which will only worsen with recent changes to social media channels. This creates an echo chamber effect where people consume only what aligns with their existing beliefs, reinforcing biases rather than challenging them.

The Case for In-Depth Articles
In-depth articles, however, provide the opportunity to explore a topic in depth. They are carefully researched and often include multiple perspectives, expert opinions, and a thorough exploration of the subject matter. Unlike the fleeting nature of social media posts, long-form content invites readers to slow down and think critically.

When you read an in-depth article, you engage with the material on a deeper level. This not only helps you understand the “what” but also the “why” and “how.” For example, a detailed investigative piece about problems in the Middle East will explain not just the effects of decisions in modern times but also the underlying causes, the history going back more than two dozen centuries, and potential solutions—all of which are impossible to capture in a sound bite.

Benefits of Reading In-Depth Content
Long-form content challenges you to process and evaluate complex information, improving your ability to form independent, well-informed opinions. In-depth articles often include diverse viewpoints, encouraging empathy and a more holistic understanding of issues.

Reading in-depth material engages the brain in a way that skimming cannot. This leads to better comprehension and long-term retention of information.

Detailed articles are more likely to include sources, data, and fact-checking, making them a reliable antidote to the misinformation that often spreads on social media. Taking the time to read an article requires focus and intention, counteracting the mindless scrolling that dominates digital habits.

With the constant pull of notifications and short-form content, carving out time for in-depth reading can be challenging, so here are a few tips to help:

Subscribe to reputable publications that specialize in investigative journalism or thought leadership. Yes, there will likely be a bias no matter where you go, but sources like the Associated Press are generally more neutral in their approach.

Dedicate a specific time each day or week to reading long-form articles, whether during your morning coffee or before bed.

Be Selective: Not every article warrants your attention. Choose topics that interest you or are relevant to your personal or professional growth.

Reading long-form articles isn’t just about personal growth—it also has societal benefits. A well-informed populace is better equipped to engage in meaningful discussions, hold leaders accountable, and contribute to positive change. When individuals take the time to understand issues deeply, they can move beyond superficial reactions and work toward thoughtful solutions.

So, the next time you’re tempted to rely on a headline or a tweet for your news, take a moment to seek out an in-depth article instead. You might be surprised by how much more you learn—and how better equipped you feel to engage with the world around you.

The Chilling Truth: How Cold Weather Affects Us as We Age

As we enter the heart of winter in the northern hemisphere, and in my case, living in a four-season climate where each one can be experienced to the extreme, it’s time I explored the reality of cold weather on the mind and body—especially when we get older.

Cold weather is more than just an inconvenience for many older adults; it presents unique challenges to physical, mental, and emotional health. While winter might evoke images of sitting by a cozy fire and snow-covered landscapes, the season also brings risks that intensify as we age. From physiological changes to psychological impacts, understanding how cold weather affects aging bodies is crucial for ensuring well-being during the colder months.

As we age, our bodies become less efficient at regulating temperature. This decreased ability to maintain a stable internal temperature, known as thermoregulation, makes older adults more susceptible to cold. The thinning of the skin, a natural part of aging, reduces insulation and increases heat loss. Additionally, older adults often have lower muscle mass, which is vital for generating heat.

Cold weather can exacerbate circulatory problems, particularly in individuals with arthritis or cardiovascular disease. When exposed to cold, blood vessels constrict to preserve body heat, reducing blood flow to extremities. For older adults, this can lead to a higher risk of frostbite or chilblains (a condition that causes inflamed swollen patches and blistering on the hands and feet), even with minimal exposure. Moreover, the increased blood pressure caused by constriction heightens the risk of heart attack or stroke.

Aging weakens the immune system, and cold weather further strains it. Older adults are more prone to illnesses like colds and the flu, which can have severe complications, such as pneumonia. Respiratory conditions, which often worsen in colder months due to dry indoor air and lower humidity, also disproportionately affect older populations.

Cold weather is notorious for aggravating joint pain, particularly in individuals with arthritis. While the exact mechanism remains unclear, many people report increased stiffness and discomfort during the winter. One theory suggests that cold temperatures cause the synovial fluid in joints to become thicker, reducing its ability to lubricate effectively. Another possibility is that cold weather causes muscles to tighten, limiting mobility and increasing the risk of falls—a significant concern for older adults.

Winter can take a toll on mental health, especially for older adults who may already feel isolated or lonely. Shorter days and reduced sunlight can lead to Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), a type of depression linked to changes in light exposure. SAD can exacerbate feelings of sadness, fatigue, and hopelessness, which are already more prevalent in aging populations due to factors such as bereavement or reduced social interaction.

Isolation becomes a particular issue in winter when icy conditions and cold temperatures make it harder for older adults to venture outside. This lack of mobility can lead to feelings of loneliness and a decrease in physical activity, further compounding health issues.

Falls are a leading cause of injury among older adults, and winter conditions significantly increase this risk. Icy sidewalks, slippery steps, and uneven terrain pose dangers that can result in fractures or head injuries. Even within the home, the need for heavy clothing and reduced dexterity in cold conditions can make simple tasks more hazardous.

Practical Measures for Coping with Cold Weather
Despite the challenges, there are effective ways to mitigate the impact of cold weather on older adults:

Older adults should dress in layers, ensuring that hands, feet, and head are well-insulated. Thermal undergarments and woolen socks can help maintain body heat. Regular, low-impact exercise like walking or stretching can improve circulation and joint health. Indoor options like yoga or tai chi can be excellent alternatives during icy conditions.

Keeping indoor spaces warm and draft-free is essential. Space heaters and insulated windows can help, but avoid hazards like carbon monoxide poisoning or fire. Staying hydrated and eating nutrient-rich foods, including those high in vitamin D, can support immune function and overall health.

Encouraging social interaction through in-person visits or digital platforms can alleviate feelings of isolation. Community centers and support groups may also offer winter-specific programs to keep older adults engaged. Regular check-ups can ensure chronic conditions are well-managed during winter.

Cold weather poses unique challenges for aging individuals, affecting their physical health, mental well-being, and overall quality of life. By understanding the effects of cold weather on aging bodies, we can better prepare for the season and embrace its beauty without compromising health and happiness.

The Connection Between Procrastination and Depression

With winter in these parts comes seasonal affective disorder for many, a sluggish feeling caused by a lack of consistent sunlight. Though it’s not as bad as it used to be, I deal with SAD but have learned to be proactive; what helps is a SAD light, mountains of vitamin D tablets, being grateful for things like being inside and warm, staying busy, staying positive, filling my life with positive people, and if possible, getting away to a warm and sunny climate for a week or two. Tied closely with SAD and depression in the bigger picture is procrastination – which we discussed in a previous entry. However, until a reader pointed it out, I paid little attention to the connection between depression and procrastination and how it can be a vicious circle. Fair warning: I will tread over familiar trails in part of this entry.

Procrastination and depression often coexist in a complex relationship, with each amplifying the effects of the other. While procrastination is commonly dismissed as a bad habit or lack of willpower, its roots often lie deeper, linked to underlying psychological issues such as depression. Understanding how these two phenomena interconnect requires an exploration of the psychological, emotional, and behavioral dimensions they share.

As most know, procrastination is the voluntary delay of tasks or decisions despite anticipating negative consequences. This behavior is not always a simple matter of laziness or poor time management. It can be a coping mechanism for overwhelming emotions, fears, or insecurities. Chronic procrastination often stems from deeper emotional struggles, particularly those associated with mental health conditions like depression.

Depression is a mental health disorder marked by persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and a lack of energy or interest in activities. It can impair concentration, decision-making, and motivation. People with depression frequently experience overwhelming fatigue and a diminished sense of self-worth, making even mundane tasks seem insurmountable.

The connection between procrastination and depression often begins with avoidance. Individuals procrastinate to avoid feelings of discomfort, such as anxiety, inadequacy, or fear of failure. Depression exacerbates this avoidance by sapping the individual’s energy and motivation. Tasks that may ordinarily feel manageable can seem Herculean under the weight of depression.

Both procrastination and depression share a cognitive distortion known as “all-or-nothing thinking.” This mindset fosters unrealistic expectations and self-criticism. For instance, a person may believe that if they cannot perform a task perfectly, it is not worth starting. This perfectionistic tendency can paralyze action and deepen the sense of inadequacy that fuels procrastination and depressive thoughts.

The relationship between procrastination and depression often forms a vicious cycle. When procrastination delays essential tasks, it generates guilt, stress, and self-criticism. These emotions can exacerbate depressive symptoms, creating a feedback loop. Depression, in turn, drains the individual’s energy and reinforces avoidance behaviors, making it even harder to break the cycle.

For example, consider someone with depression who avoids opening their email inbox out of fear of finding overdue tasks or negative feedback. The longer they delay, the more daunting the task becomes, leading to heightened anxiety and self-blame. This avoidance worsens their depression, which then further diminishes their ability to tackle the task.

At the heart of procrastination lies the difficulty in managing negative emotions. Depression intensifies these struggles by increasing emotional sensitivity and reducing the ability to cope with stress. Procrastination may provide temporary relief by allowing individuals to escape unpleasant emotions associated with a task, but this relief is short-lived. Over time, unresolved tasks accumulate, leading to heightened stress and a sense of failure, which are hallmarks of depression.

Both procrastination and depression take a toll on self-esteem. Chronic procrastinators often view themselves as lazy or incapable, reinforcing feelings of worthlessness that are common in depression. Similarly, people with depression may internalize their struggles with motivation and productivity as personal failures, deepening their procrastination tendencies.

This negative self-concept can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Believing they are incapable of completing tasks, individuals may avoid starting them altogether, reinforcing their sense of inadequacy. This cycle undermines their confidence and reinforces depressive symptoms.

Breaking the Cycle
Addressing the interplay between procrastination and depression requires targeted interventions that address both conditions simultaneously. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective, as it helps individuals identify and challenge distorted thought patterns that contribute to procrastination and depression. Breaking tasks into smaller, manageable steps and focusing on progress rather than perfection can help build momentum and counteract avoidance behaviors. One may have to “push” himself or herself to accomplish even a small task. Say, for example, you plan to wake up early and get a lot done that day. However, you sleep in and figure the day is lost because you didn’t get the day off to the start you wanted. “I’ll get started tomorrow,” you say to yourself. Instead, try this: “I can still complete part of my to-do list even if I start later than I wanted to.” Yes, it requires a push, but once you start, you will feel good about yourself and may even do more than you planned to do.

Mindfulness practices can also be valuable in reducing procrastination and depression. By cultivating awareness of thoughts and emotions, individuals can learn to tolerate discomfort without resorting to avoidance. Over time, this can weaken the association between negative emotions and task avoidance.

Self-compassion is another critical element in breaking the procrastination-depression cycle. Many individuals caught in this loop are harshly self-critical, which only deepens their emotional distress. Self-compassion involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding, particularly in the face of perceived failures or setbacks. This shift in perspective can reduce the guilt and shame associated with procrastination and create a more supportive environment for tackling tasks.

The connection between procrastination and depression is intricate and multifaceted, rooted in shared cognitive, emotional, and behavioral patterns. While procrastination may provide temporary relief from negative emotions, it often perpetuates a cycle of guilt, stress, and self-doubt that exacerbates depression. Understanding this relationship is the first step in addressing it. By adopting specific strategies that target both procrastination and depression, individuals can begin to disrupt the cycle and regain control over their lives.

Point to Ponder – Part Two

Perhaps it’s because I grew up in an inevitably noisy environment with four siblings and a father who always, and I mean always, had to have the radio on in the middle of the house that I am sensitive to background noise. I can sit in a media room or an office with two hundred other people, and the ambient noise doesn’t bother me a bit. However, put me in a public place such as a restaurant where two different networks are running the same news all day and competing for my attention with the volume on high plus what passes for background music nowadays (way too loud and should be christened “foreground music”), and as mentioned once before, people rudely playing their videos nice and loud for everyone to hear, and I get irritated.

I don’t know where restaurants got this idea: the louder and different ambient noise, the better. The television noise comes from the eastern and western walls, and the music comes from above. Sometimes, you can hear the music playing at an earsplitting volume in the kitchen when the doors open and close. No, you are not creating an atmosphere. Well, actually, you are, but it’s not a good one. Memo to restaurants – and I have spoken to them about this – provide one noise source, not several.

Points to Ponder – Part One

This is one of those entries where I cover various topics based on my observations of life. So, I will call it Point to Ponder – Part One. And away we go.

Artificial Intelligence is a valuable tool, but I am already sick of Facebook entries written by AI or alleged photographs that are AI-created yet not accepted as such. The same words permeate most AI writing; words such as “iconic” pop up frequently, and the word counts for each sentence are almost the same. Sentences tend to drone on and on and need more details only humans can provide. AI written copy often repeats itself and needs an editor to chop entire paragraphs out of the copy – plus check for accuracy. AI articles can be wildly inaccurate and dry. Those errors then get repeated by people who refuse to fact-check before passing the information on. AI images, while beautiful, are just that – artificial. The sun and the moon are not that big when viewed from Earth (and remember to add six dolphins jumping out of the ocean simultaneously and glistening in the sun). Seeing a bevy of stars close to a full moon is impossible. Don’t believe me? Check it out next time we have a full moon. I can’t believe some think and comment like these are real photos.

Another point to ponder is the overuse of “Iconic” and “Icon.” Everything and everyone is an icon nowadays, from musicians to actors to my neighbor’s dog. An iconic event was the bombing of Pearl Harbor, Neil Armstrong stepping on the moon, and the D-Day invasion at Normandy. These were genuinely life-changing events that the world’s attention was focused on, and people responded to. The latest Beyonce release or a significant snowstorm are not iconic events. Unfortunately, the word’s meaning has been watered down so much, even in the dictionary, that it doesn’t mean anything anymore to be called an icon or iconic.

Speaking of snowstorms, we are enduring one as I write this; it is the second of two major storms that have hit this part of Canada and the USA in the last week or so. Our area missed much of the first one, but we are getting pounded by this one. I wonder why people act like it has never happened before and forget how to drive in inclement weather. This happens every year, with hundreds of cars in the ditch, multiple accidents, and dozens of other mishaps. I understand that a sudden storm can wreak havoc and accidents happen, but for crying out loud, drive according to the conditions or don’t drive. Slow down, turn your lights on, use your turn signals, ensure your winter tires are on, expect to slip and slide a bit, and have an emergency kit in the back seat or trunk that includes a warm blanket or two and non-perishable food. Be safe out there and as one radio campaign used to say, “Please Drive Decent.”

Losing Weight at 60: My Journey to a Healthier Me – Entry Two

Jeez, has it really been five months since I began and wrote about my journey to lose weight? The calendar says yes. It’s been an exciting yet challenging journey, and while I have lost only seventeen (17) pounds since I began, I feel better. I say only because I expected and hoped for double that total. Am I happy about it? Yes and no. Yes, I am moving in the right direction, and no, because it could have been much better. And I am prone to being distracted when focusing on goals. So, I have learned that I must get more focused and realize everything – and I mean everything – I eat affects me physically and mentally. I often also place high expectations on myself, expecting every day to be fantastic when it can’t be.

What I do like is that I have all but eliminated emotional eating. I won’t say how much or what I ate before when experiencing negative emotions – and the eating made it worse – but I will say it feels good to get this under control. Going forward, I need to tinker with a few things to achieve my goals, and I will do so. And that includes writing about it more than once every five months.

Seven Things That Will Change Your Life in a Year

  1. Stop complaining and count your blessings every day. Start with three and build it up to five every day. Be specific and count the so-called things that are often taken for granted. I’ll start with a) my fingers worked, and I can type this blog, (b) I can see, and c) I can see in color. 
  2. Embrace loneliness and reinvent yourself in the process. Being unattached, I get lonely sometimes, but that loneliness has allowed me to do and write all sorts of stuff – including the first of three novels I am writing. One at a time : )
  3. Say goodbye to those who don’t bring positive energy into your life and drain you. It may include family members; family loyalty stops when abuse and bullying start and continues. It’s unbelievable how much lighter you will feel when you say adios to toxic relationships. 
  4. Pick one skill you want to embrace or improve and put all your effort into learning or improving upon it. See part two of number two. I have numerous partly-written manuscripts in the cloud, but I’ve never said, “I will write this novel and finish the first draft by x-date”, so they remain incomplete. That is, until now. 
  5. Sweat every day to improve your mood. I need to do a lot more of this and reap the benefits. It will also help me have a clearer and healthier head to write with. 
  6. Fail forward. Learn from every mistake you make. Yeah, it sucks when things don’t go your way, and it’s easy to get down on yourself. But don’t. Just move forward and consider yourself a work in progress. Even the best golfers in the world sometimes spray their tee shots and miss short putts.
  7. Commit to the goals you set and never look back. Pick a few and go for it. Oh, and don’t tell anyone else because someone will always be a naysayer or impart their two cents—which is usually all it is worth. 

Visiting Two Of My Pet Peeves

I sat with a friend the other day, and we got to talk about things that annoyed us. Now, we’re positive people for the most part, and maybe the rainy days were getting to us, but we compiled a few pet peeves that get under our skin. We limited them to five each to avoid going into a dark, depressing hole. The exercise was fun for both of us as we got a few things off our chest. A pet peeve is a minor annoyance that an individual finds particularly irritating. It bugs us more than it would bother most people.

Here are two of mine:

Bad Table Manners: There was perfect timing on this one because that same friend and I met for lunch and we were sitting near a table where the man was burping every few seconds. Granted he may have had gastritis or acid reflux, but I doubt it. Why? He was eating like a pig and annoying everyone else, He was loud, obnoxius, kept playing videos on his phone at a high volume until I told him to turn it down, and was spoiling the dining experience for everyone else until he and his partner left the premises. For crying out loud Mr. Pig and others, at least do the following whether eating in or out an an establishment.

  1. Chew with your mouth closed.
  2. Keep your smartphone off the table and set it to silent or vibrate. Wait to check calls and texts until you are finished with the meal and away from the table. Don’t worry; your world won’t fall apart if you don’t check your phone every ten minutes.
  3. Hold utensils correctly. Don’t use your fork or spoon like a shovel or stab your food.
    Wash up and come to the table clean.
  4. Don’t groom or attend to hygiene at the table. And ladies, this also means not applying lipstick at the table – excuse yourself and go to the restroom.
  5. Remember to use your napkin.
  6. Wait until you’re done chewing to sip or swallow a drink.
  7. Pace yourself with fellow diners. Cut only one piece of food at a time.
  8. Avoid slouching and don’t place your elbows on the table while eating (though it is okay to prop your elbows on the table while conversing between courses, and always has been).
  9. Instead of reaching across the table for something, ask for it to be passed to you.
  10. Bring your best self to the meal. Take part in the dinner conversation.

Pet Peeve Number Two is yelling into Smartphones. Yelling into smartphones is a common but annoying habit, and it often happens for several reasons:

Perception of Poor Connection: People associate yelling with being heard better, even though smartphones have sensitive microphones that pick up normal speaking volumes.

Background Noise: In noisy environments, people instinctively raise their voices to overcome the ambient sound.

Habit from Older Technology: Those who grew up with landlines or early mobile phones may have developed a habit of speaking louder, thinking it helps with clarity.

Emotional Conversations: Heated or passionate discussions often lead to yelling, whether intentional or not.

Unawareness of Microphone Quality: Some users might not trust their phone’s ability to transmit sound effectively and think speaking louder helps.

How to Stop the Habit: Just Stop Doing It

Monitor your volume while speaking on the phone. If you catch yourself yelling, consciously lower your voice.

Use feedback from others—if they comment on your volume, take it as a sign to adjust.

Use headphones or earbuds with a built-in microphone. This brings the mic closer to your mouth, reducing the need to raise your voice.

Use speakerphone sparingly, as it can encourage yelling if the phone is far away.

Step away from loud areas to take calls, minimizing the need to compete with background noise.

Modern smartphones are designed to capture sound efficiently at normal speaking levels. Trust the technology.

Use visual or mental cues to remind yourself to stay calm and quiet when on the phone. A post-it on your phone or a notification can be a gentle nudge.

Record yourself during a call to hear how loud you sound. Awareness can help adjust your habits.

Practice speaking more deliberately and clearly rather than loudly. Enunciation often works better than volume to ensure the listener understands you.

Breaking this habit takes practice, but being mindful and using tools like hands-free devices can help you communicate more effectively without yelling.