I’ve written about this before, but this is really starting to piss me off. The other night in a crowded restaurant, a friend and I found ourselves dodging squeals, shrieks, climbing on the bar (yes, you read that right), and running around from toddlers who had turned the place into a playground. Grandparents and dad sat by, doing absolutely nothing but smiling indulgently – which made my blood boil – while the rest of us tried to eat through the noise. Many patrons were clearly annoyed. It got me thinking about how different things were when I was growing up.
I don’t mean to sound like the “back in my day” guy, but the contrast is stark. When our parents took us out, there were rules. We weren’t perfect — no kid is — but the boundaries were clear: you don’t scream, you don’t run around, you don’t nearly knock over the server walking by as she balances three plates full of food, and you don’t disrupt everyone else’s meal. If you did, there were consequences, and not just an eye roll from the next table.
My parents drilled it into us: being in public meant showing respect. We sat at the table until the meal was done. We spoke in voices that didn’t carry across the room. And yes, if we tested those limits, there were repercussions – now, and probably later. Some might call that harsh, but I’m grateful for it now. It taught us that other people’s comfort mattered too.
I’ll never forget when my parents were once told they could bring their kids (us) to Buckingham Palace, because we were so well behaved. That’s how seriously they took it, and how much pride they felt in raising children who could handle themselves anywhere.
So when did that change? When did the pendulum swing from “children must adapt to the space” to “the space must adapt to the children and the hell with everyone else”?
Some of it comes down to shifts in parenting styles. Discipline has become a loaded word. Many parents are reluctant to correct their kids in public, worried they’ll look too harsh or that setting firm boundaries will be seen as outdated. “Gentle” or “hands-off” parenting has its place, but when it translates to letting children run wild in restaurants, it’s everyone else who pays the price.
There’s also a cultural shift around customer service. In the past, if your kid acted out in public, you’d be embarrassed. Today, the expectation is flipped: the restaurant, the staff, the strangers around you – they’re the ones expected to tolerate whatever your kids are doing. That sense of shared responsibility for public spaces has eroded.
And then there’s social media. We’ve normalized “cute chaos” by posting videos of kids running amok in places they probably shouldn’t be. What used to be considered disruptive is now reframed as entertaining – but only for those behind the camera. For everyone else, it’s just noise and annoying as hell.
What gets lost in all of this is the lesson kids miss out on. Public manners aren’t about being uptight – they’re about learning how to share space respectfully. A child who knows how to sit through dinner without screaming is a child who will grow up understanding that their actions have an impact on others. That’s not just good etiquette; that’s basic citizenship.
I’m not calling for the return of wooden spoons or draconian discipline. However, I do think we’ve swung too far in the other direction. Kids need boundaries, and adults need to remember that letting children run wild in public isn’t doing them any favors. It just teaches them that rules don’t apply outside the home. And the parents and grandparents are even worse for allowing it to happen.
Restaurants, airplanes, theaters, and grocery stores are shared spaces. Everyone in them has a right to a baseline of peace. Teaching kids that isn’t punishment; it’s preparation for the real world.
So when I think back to the other night, to my friend and I in the far corner of the restaurant, trying to escape the shrieks, I can’t help but think we’ve lost something important. Somewhere along the way, the pride in raising well-behaved kids in public has given way to a shrug and a smile.
And frankly, I miss the days when parents cared enough to teach their kids that the world doesn’t revolve around them.
John Berkovich Talks 