It’s Monday and like most people, I’m grinding my way through it with a series of video calls followed by plenty of writing. I start getting antsy, and with the library closed on Mondays, I head to the hangout, as I call it. Thankfully, it is quiet. The sun is shining, and the restaurant is humming along with that deceptively calm “we’ve got this” vibe. Well, almost. Here comes a group of eight that will be a problem table for whoever serves them.
Now, you’d think eight people finding one table big enough for them would be an accomplishment in itself. But no. This group decided to make seating arrangements the main entertainment of the day.
First table? Nah, not good enough for them. Too drafty. Too close to the kitchen. Too… something. Loudly, they gather their drinks and shuffle over to a second table. Servers exchange knowing glances — yep, it’s going to be that kind of day.
Then the server approaches, ready to finally take an order, and suddenly, the group wants to sit outside. Never mind that it’s prime time, the patio is packed, and there’s not a table in sight. They’re shocked — shocked! — that this is somehow not possible. So now you’ve got eight adults pouting like kids denied recess, while the server is silently calculating how much of their life they’ll never get back. Then, get this, they tell the server that four can sit outside and the rest are okay sitting inside. The server walks by me unleashing profanities under her breath. Now, normally I don’t like hearing that kind of language but in this case, I totally get it. Oh, we’re not done yet, they then decide, no, we’d all like to sit outside when a table opens up. There are different servers for inside and outside so now inside server has to check with outside server if she wouldn’t mind taking an extra table in the unopened section. Outside server sighs with resignation. Yeah, sure.
Picture it: a herd of indecisive diners treating the restaurant like a giant game of musical chairs. Servers-are-about-to-kill-them section? Also yes. Because while everyone else is trying not to laugh at the absurdity while feeling sorry for the servers, the servers are quietly asking themselves, “Why didn’t I just go to law school?”
John Berkovich Talks 