You know who grinds my gears? The Let-Me-Tell-You-About-My-Diet bore. You can’t sit through a coffee break, lunch, or a ten-minute conversation without hearing about keto, paleo, vegan, raw, low carb, intermittent fasting, carnivore, water fasting, lemon-cayenne detox, or whatever new thing they’re “doing this month.” It’s like they’ve found religion, but instead of saving your soul, they’re trying to save your waistline, whether you asked for help or not.
I’m on a slow but steady weight loss program myself. And you know what it calls for? A big drumroll, please—eating less and exercising. That’s it. No paid plans, diet coaches, nutritionists, or newsletters from a self-appointed exercise guru. Just good old-fashioned common sense. And you know what else? It’s working.
I get it: people want to feel better, and sometimes sharing helps keep them accountable. They are also trying to help me, which is nice. But there’s a fine line between sharing and force-feeding me every detail of your “journey.” Guess what? There are a million diet plans out there, and at the end of the day, it all comes down to eating less and exercising more.
Years ago, in the comic strip Bloom County, Opus wanted to lose weight and was willing to try every diet imaginable. He hired Milo Bloom as his diet coach, and Milo simply said, “Fine. Let’s try eating less and exercising.” Opus’s partial response? “No, no, no … I’d like a diet plan which allows me to remain a lazy pig. Thank you.” Absolutely, freaking hilarious, and more honest than most of us would care to admit how it applies to us.
The irony is that decades ago, before the obesity epidemic, people didn’t have every diet plan at their fingertips. They ate three meals a day—maybe a snack—and that was pretty much it. And guess what? People were thinner. There were no fancy apps, macro-counting spreadsheets, or influencers selling protein shakes and diet plans. Just a simple, balanced way of living.
So, to all you diet bores out there: I’m glad you found something that works for you. I am. But I’d rather not hear about every calorie, carb count, or sip of carrot juice. I’ll be over here, eating less and moving more—like every sensible plan says. And if you think you’ve discovered the magic bullet, just remember, I’m not your therapist, nutritionist, or personal hype man. Keep the sermon to yourself and don’t tell me what I need to do. I am already doing it.
John Berkovich Talks 