A few weeks ago, I wrote about how siblings grow apart as they age and pursue different paths in life. Today, I am exploring a similar topic: how friends and former work colleagues—who were close during their time together—drift apart as time passes.
The dynamic nature of human relationships often means that even the closest friends and co-workers eventually go their separate ways, spending less and less time together. This phenomenon is an intricate interplay of several factors, from personal growth and changing circumstances to shifts in priorities and geographical relocations.
One of the primary reasons friends and co-workers drift apart is personal growth and development. As individuals grow, their interests, values, and goals evolve. For instance, the bond formed in college over late-night study sessions and shared hobbies might not withstand the test of time if one friend becomes deeply invested in their career while the other focuses on starting a family. Similarly, colleagues who once collaborated closely in the workplace will find their paths diverging as they pursue different career goals or move into other departments or companies. This creates a natural distance as the common ground that once held the friendship together becomes less relevant.
Life is full of changing circumstances that can affect relationships. Graduations, job changes, and relocations are everyday events that lead to physical and emotional distance between friends and colleagues. When someone moves to a new city or country, keeping the same level of intimacy in the relationship is impossible. Time zone differences, the effort needed to stay in touch, and the excitement of new environments and experiences all contribute to drifting apart. When two formerly close friends meet up again after several years, they realize that time, new people in their lives, and events, has forced both to move on. Some accept the change, and some don’t, expecting the bond to be as tight as it once was when the reality is that it can’t be.
As people move through life, their priorities often shift. What was once a top priority may no longer hold the same significance. For example, young adults might prioritize their social lives and friendships, but career advancement, marriage, and raising children can take precedence as they get older. These shifts can lead to less time and energy available for maintaining friendships.
Geographical relocations are a significant factor in friends and co-workers drifting apart. Physical distance creates logistical challenges for maintaining what were once close relationships. While modern technology like social media, video calls, and instant messaging can help bridge the gap, more is needed to sustain the same level of connection. The spontaneity and ease of face-to-face interactions can’t be replicated virtually, gradually weakening the bond.
In the professional realm, co-workers often form strong bonds due to the shared experiences and mutual goals within a workplace. However, career transitions can disrupt these relationships. When someone leaves a job for a new opportunity, the daily interactions and shared challenges that once bonded them to their co-workers cease. The connection, built on the foundation of the workplace environment, can diminish as new professional relationships take priority in the new setting.
New romantic or platonic relationships can also influence the distance between friends and former co-workers. As individuals form new connections, their social circles expand and shift. The time and emotional energy once devoted to old friends might now be shared with new acquaintances or partners. This natural progression can lead to older relationships taking a back seat.
Emotional distance can occur even without physical separation. People change, and sometimes, these changes are internal. Emotional growth, evolving beliefs, and new perspectives can create a sense of distance. Interactions are less fulfilling when friends or co-workers no longer resonate on the same emotional or intellectual wavelength, leading to a gradual drift apart. My own experience is rife with examples of this. Twenty-four years ago right out of the blue and fourteen years after last seeing him, a childhood friend called me and wanted to get together for dinner. I agreed. While the dinner was enjoyable, the conversation was stilted and awkward at times as I (and probably him) realized we had little in common now except our shared past. I was married, he wasn’t. My spiritual outlook had changed, his hadn’t. He was still talking about the middle and high school days of wild parties, girls, and former teachers, I wanted to talk about the here and now. After dinner, we went our separate ways and I haven’t heard from him since – even with the benefit of technology.
Technology does enable people to stay connected despite physical distances but these virtual interactions usually need more depth and lack the richness of in-person connections. The convenience of technology may lead to superficial interactions, making it easier for relationships to fade over time. What were once monthly video calls with the promise to stay connected soon become quarterly, semi-annual, or longer.
While drifting apart is a natural part of life, it can still be a source of sadness or nostalgia. Coping with the distance involves acknowledging the change and appreciating each person’s role in your life during a specific period. It is essential to focus on the positive aspects of the relationship and cherish the memories created. Keeping an open line of communication, even if infrequent, can also help maintain a sense of connection.
The end of certain relationships often marks the beginning of new ones. Embracing new experiences and connections is a part of personal growth. As individuals move forward, they carry the lessons and memories of past friendships and professional relationships with them. These experiences shape who they are and influence how they approach new connections.
Friends and former co-workers drifting apart is a multifaceted process influenced by personal growth, changing circumstances, shifts in priorities, and geographical relocations. While it can be challenging to navigate these changes, they are a natural part of life’s journey. Embracing the ebb and flow of relationships allows individuals to grow, form new connections, and appreciate each person’s role in their lives.
John Berkovich Talks 